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I am 'extra-happy' to report to you this morning that 24 hours after riffing at some length in this newspaper about Tourism New Brunswick's website and its description of Moncton's "infamous" Magnetic Hill, this formerly notorious tourist draw has received a sudden upgrade.

Enlarge Photo

The Canadian Press

Air Canada Has imposed fuel charges that could cost Canadians travelling across the country an extra $120 for a round-trip ticket.

According to tourismnb.ca, our provincial government now considers the Hill to be "extraordinary."

We will, generously, assume Fredericton does not take this word to mean 'very, very, ordinary' but rather 'quite remarkable,' perhaps even so much so as to be considered 'famous.'

However, today we turn our attention not so much to that which is extraordinary, but on the aforementioned 'upgrade.' In particular, we look to what appears to be a very, very ordinary upgrade being offered by an entirely different kettle of bureaucrats: Air Canada.

A reader and frequent flyer sends us an e-mailed pitch, presumably from some Air Canada functionary named Guido, "to offer you protection."

Protection, that is, from "flights delayed or cancelled because of bad weather or air traffic problems.

'In sitchoo-ayshuns like dat,' Guido waxes on, 'we do whut any responsible airline would do fa they customahs.'

'We woik hod to rebook you on our foist available flight out so youse can get to ya destinayshun as quickly as possible.'

But now, we are informed by Air Canada, for an extra $25 tacked onto your ticket we can buy Air Canada's promise "to offer you protection that goes beyond what airlines normally do when the unforeseen occurs."

We'll get to "what airlines normally do" in just a moment but I love the use of the word "beyond" here.

Air Canada has already said in this missive that "we work hard to rebook you on our first available flight."

But hey, for 25 bucks extra we'll work a lot harder.

So just how hard were they working in the first place?

Were they working extraordinarily hard?

Or hardly woiking?

Am I right, folks?

Bada-bing.

The 'extra hard' work consists of: "access to specialized agents who are available around the clock to address your needs; priority rebooking on the first flight out (with Air Canada or another airline); the option of a complimentary rental car, train ticket or bus ticket; food vouchers and a hotel room if needed."

Now, I don't know if all these can be considered "going beyond what airlines normally do" or not, but I do know that at least some airlines -- even some airlines that fly out of Greater Moncton International Airport -- already offer, with the exception of booking an alternate flight on another airline, all of these services without charging you an extra $25 for "protection."

Protection? As in 'Geez, I sure would hate ta see what might happen if ya flight was overbooked and it just happens ta be rainin', in which case we might cancel ya flight due to weather and you're stuck?'

Am I going just a little over the top here, for the sake of making a point?

Maybe; but I do recall flying back from the premier's trade mission to Alberta a couple of winters ago and getting stuck in Montreal, where I had to pay for a hotel room, because my next Air Canada flight in Toronto was cancelled due to an ice storm.

Weirdly, it was the very same ice storm that was raining on West Jet flights that did, somehow, manage to fly out of that same Toronto airport that same night.

Everyone on that trade mission that flew West Jet got home, and everyone who flew on Air Canada did not, and had to pay extra for the privilege.

Maybe we coulda used some protection, you know what I mean?

On the other hand, maybe we didn't need it. Maybe I should give Air Canada the benefit of the doubt and assume their planes don't shed ice-water as well as West Jet's do.

And while we're at it, I suppose I should throw a couple of disclaimers in here.

Though I play the fool a bit with accents up above, this is nothing more than my weak attempt at humour and is not intended to draw a link between Air Canada and characters in an American TV show called The Sopranos about crime which is, according to the show, organized.

Nor is it fair to characterize Air Canada as a kettle of bureaucrats, a thing which this private corporation has not been for a long time.

One wonders, in fact, whether it is time for the feds to legislate a name change that doesn't confuse Canadians.

Unlike Transport Canada or Public Works Canada or Health Canada, this airline shouldn't bear a name that suggests it is a 'civil service' or even either of those words.

And finally, despite the kind new word for Magnetic Hill, the Tourism New Brunswick website still sucks wind like an Air Canada jet. It still fails to mention we have an Eagles concert here this summer.

Maybe some high-ranking members of the Department of Tourism bureaucracy should visit Moncton someday.

On behalf of its dinky regional service Jazz, which is all the airline offers in the Maritimes outside of Halifax, maybe Air Canada could provide some protection.

I sure would hate ta see what might happen if they got up on da Hill and da magnet somehow got an unexpected power soige and they all ended up takin' a flying leap at da moon.

Hmmm... I think Magnetic Hill Airways has an extraordinarily nice ring to it.